Spin Spin Sugar

I'm everyone – hang your label on me

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Yo, it’s coming

I am ashamed to be honest… I used to do the Irish Drinking songs game a month out but as it is we’re starting today. So here we are, every Irish Drinking Song I find worthy between here and St Patrick’s Day… starting off with U2!

I know its super cool to hate U2. Except they are really from Ireland. And aside from being crazy successful, they’re very talented. One of the best shows I’ve ever been to was seeing U2 and PJ Harvey with my dad in So Cal. Say what you want, but you get your money’s worth seeing these guys.

I’m taking this party to the air on the 4th. So if you want to hear something….



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Late to the party

So I made this discovery awhile back but haven’t really been blogging lately… (I know, I suck.) But damn if I’m not in love with Macklemore.

Look at all that Seattle love right there

You may have, if you are a Seahawks fan watched him raise the 12th Man flag the weekend of the Wildcard playoffs along with a few other Seattle musicians. You may know him from his completely smash hit “Thrift Shop,”

Oh yeah… he’s pretty hot too. I’m shallow, sue me.

Nothing is sexier than an open mind

Macklemore has a ton of other great songs out there and honestly just seems like a cool guy. Plus hey, Seahawks. But honestly this is a real talent if you buy the album and listen to more than just the single, you’re going to fall in love too.

In honor of the fact that Macklemore is also an Irishmen and that St Patrick’s Day is coming your way soon, let me share with you the best song/video that ever happened.

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tired as heck

This is me every day about 5:30pm

I knew what I was getting into when I came up here to run a radio station. The damn thing never closes. It always needs SOMETHING which is fine. I’m good with that fact. I love what I do, more so now than I did when I first came up here. I’m doing more and more of what I want to do and can hear the results when I turn it on.

That being said, I’m tired. We’ve entered the busy season. And by that I mean it’s seriously busy. I do not get a full day off until April 17th. That’s cool too but it’s just the end of the pay period and everything seems stressful. Buying cat food, getting gas, eating.  When do I have time to do laundry or clean house or do anything but try to fall asleep and do it all again in the morning? I know I should really make myself do those things the  minute I get home but lately it’s been a sea of 12 hour days and after hearding wet cats for 12 hours the last thing I want to do is sort clothes or take out the trash. What I want to do is call Happy Garden for a delivery of chow mein and then pass out. But calling Happy Garden will have to wait until pay day at this point.


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we’ll be young forever

A year ago I was in a really really weird place.

Deeply unhappy at home but no idea how to express that I was feeling that way. It seemed impossible after all, how could I be unhappy? I’d just gone back to work, had started getting my body back, had a cute house, great friends, I wasn’t single and I thought I was in love.
That sounds shitty when I say it that way. I was in love with him. That’s true.
When I wasn’t working, I didn’t long for much but work. That year “off” was really hard on me both emotionally and physically. I guess I just stopped wanting anything but to go back to work and every failed job interview or resume I sent out without getting an answer was devastating. I was pretty sure I was never going to work again actually. I’d just about given up. The week I went in to interview to work at Wild, I had also applied at Starbucks, a jewelry store, a personal assistant, a receptionist… I’d even taken a job I thought was going to be rad at a “publicists” agency, which turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of spoiled rich kids playing “office.” (Yeah I said it, wanna fight?) I left after two days.
Under all of this stress, this depression, this rudderlessness, I didn’t notice that back at the ranch things were going sour in my love life. Because I didn’t have the energy to worry. It was there. He hadn’t left in the middle of the night and taken the cat. I was so focused on getting a job again and getting “me” back, that it was almost all I had energy for. Beyond the crying jags and the three or four trips I took to do things I never had time for while working just to do SOMETHING.
So I got the job at Wild. And the fog lifted and I started… I don’t know mingling with my kind again. I didn’t know how STARVED I was to talk about radio, to talk about music, to just talk about bitchy office bull-ish until there was one day I was at work and I made my boss laugh or something. We had started telling radio stories. In a weird way me and the boys in the back became the Three Amigos or something, because there we were in our little pirate ship doing what we love at any means neccesary. I don’t know who did what first but by the time I went home for Thanksgiving, I knew I had a solid foundation back home. Friends. Brothers. People that opened my eyes to two things: I am not that bad and I am alive.
By Christmas, I knew… things weren’t ever going to be the way they were again at home, no matter how hard I tried. Because I was someone else again. I was me, and not this defeated little thing. I’ll tell you right now I walked into my last job not knowing shit. I knew how to talk on the radio and how to boss my boss around (ha ha, kinda) but not really how to do my actual job. I learned on the fly, on fire, with a team of cheerleaders and from one of the coolest mofo’s I’ve ever known. It was very SoCal touchy feely but they let me in, they held me up and taught me everything they knew. Changed my life really. By Christmas I knew that my heart had changed it’s mind and I had to do something with myself.
I didn’t know last Thanksgiving, that a year later I’d be here, in Chico, hundreds of miles from everyone who made this possible, doing something I had always said I could do (and did do for awhile) and doing it better than a lot of people will ever let on. I have the professional gig I always wanted more or less. I made friends with lightening fast speed, I am seriously shocked myself, I’m a goober, I don’t even want to hang out with me. I tried so many new things and met so many great people and formed my own little radio family up here as well.
And then there’s the happiest accident of all, Ben. Last year I wouldn’t see myself here, getting ready to go out to tacos with my boyfriend on a random Thursday night because we’ve been so good living off of boxed meals and staying home (or homes I guess, we don’t live together) for over a week! There’s a lot to be said for this boy, but the most important part of it is, he sees me for exactly who I am. He knows when I’m broke or simply too overwhelmed to function and he just fixes it. Brings me groceries because he knows I’ll just not eat before trying to figure out how to go to the grocery store on 10 bucks, helps me with the dishes, brought me a vaccuum cleaner when I couldn’t get mine back from the coast… I don’t ask, he just does. I never thought of myself as the girlfriend of a grad student, a teacher, a hydrologist, a scientist, a beer snob who loves to eat Ethnic meals, a lover of music and movies who gives the best hugs in Chico? Forget it, I never would’ve imagined it.
Doesn’t mean it’s not awesome. Doesn’t mean I’m not happy.
A year ago I was lost and a group of people took me in and gave me the tools to find my own way home. I may still be traveling, in fact I know I am, but I’m closer than I was before.

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me and love

My job has always been an issue in my relationships. I can’t remember one that it wasn’t. There is always the threat of my needing to move to another city for an opportunity or the long hours or the fact that I spend 90% of my time surrounded by men only, because there aren’t a lot of girls in my business. It’s always caused friction in my life as I am sure no one likes feeling like they come second to something else, even if they don’t actually come second, it sometimes feels like it I’m sure.
I relate to this Gaga quote because I’ve done it a million times. Been sitting there looking at that decision. That ultimatum. Me or that. Us or radio. Us or the next adventure. Be with me or go be “famous” (I don’t think I’m famous but I’ve had this load of shit thrown at my face before.) I’ve always chosen work. I’ve always chosen me. I’m selfish that way.
I’ve never regretted it though. And I honestly think it’s impossible for me to meet someone who understands 100% how my business works. Because if I meet someone like that, they probably work in the same business and they’re just as driven as I am. Just as ambitious. Just as focused. Just as much of a geek. I know there are more of “me” out there, I’ve worked with them. I’ve admired them. But I also know that given the choice: a relationship or work, they’d chose work, just like me. Work is always there, there is always something to be done, you can always go drown yourself in it when you’re lonely.
To be fair, nothing is wrong now. I’m not terribly lonely or having issues really, just saw this today and it really struck me. Kinda weird to know one of the most famous women in the world has the same world view as me….

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So right now I’m trying to play my trip back to Bakersfield for Thanksgiving. Hell, I’m TRYING to go home for Thanksgiving. The way things have been going and the sheer distance involved, I am almost not sure I can. I don’t get the day before Thanksgiving off. I basically can not drive at night and it’s supposedly six hours to Bako from here, although it took me 10 hours last time I did the drive.

Ben may come with me, which would be cool because then he could drive us down the night before Thanksgiving after I get off work. That’d be great, yeah we’d get into town hella late, but it beats me dragging into town at like Noon on Thanksgiving day. We could stay until Saturday and then swing through SLO for a night if any of my friends are going to be in town (I’m looking at you Teresa!) because he’s never been to San Luis Obispo and drive home Sunday morning EARLY. It’s gonna depend on his school schedule and his work schedule and if of course he actually decides to come.
If I don’t go home, this would be the first holiday in my life I didn’t spend with my family. I have no idea what I’d do here. Maybe have an orphans Thanksgiving of my own… I guess I could take the train but I don’t even know what that would cost, when it would leave, etc.
I have moved to the damn moon.
Been chatting with some of my people back home at the old stations and maaaaan I miss them. I forgot to mention that when I was home last month, Wild sounds as amazing as ever. I stopped in there twice over the weekend and was shocked at how much I missed it. When I was there on Saturday visiting someone I kept feeling like I should get up and do something. I may have even offered to voice track. It’s silly but I felt more at home there at the end than ever did running my own station over across the street. Could’ve been the people I worked with. Could’ve been that whole thing where you have to bond when there are like three of you. Could’ve been working with my best friends. I don’t know. I know we were “miserable” there a lot but it was a really special time and place for me and I’ll never ever regret it.
Anyway I have radio of my own to make. We’re in the middle of planning another huge event and I’m exhausted. Go figure.

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slo mo home sickness

You might have guessed by now things aren’t going awful for S. Beezy in the big C. The Moon is populated with cool people who just want to take me tubing and show me something called the holes and want to watch movies, drink booze and eat raw fish. Rock the eff on, I’m okay with this. I’ve even gotten used to it being like consistently 90 degrees and the fact that I should probably carry cash and not rely on my debit card like I did back home. I’ve had a dinner party in my house, pool party in my pool and many adventures. Yay, Chico isn’t awful.

What you may or may not have guessed is… I miss home. For a long long time I fought against San Luis Obispo becoming my home because I knew if I got attached I would stay too long, but SLO is a tricky bitch that way and slowly but surely became my home. My heart’s home. Yes I left my heart in San Luis O-Cheezy Bitch.

Here’s what I miss, in no particular order:

The Black Sheep and their fantastic food. Mac and Cheese or Chili, holy baaaajeezus. And of course the amazing “make me something red” game. Nicole, who became my friend over the last year, mommying me through many of my little nervous breakdowns, including this move. Daaaayammn girl, I miss you. I miss Teresa Leigh Lara and her amazing family… always being there when I missed my own and Teresa and I having the SIP AND BITCH sessh after work… I love this girl like a fat kid loves cake dude, alot and often and I miss her and wanted to surprise her this weekend but I couldn’t. I miss SushiYa. Best goddamn sushi joint on the west coast, don’t let anyone tell you differently. I miss the Lovely and Talented Darcy and our SIP AND BITCH sesshes on the promenade or her deck. I need to get home and hug that girl. Of course when talking about the ladies in my life I’d be remiss to leave out my BFF Kristin and all the times she has held me up when I was about to fall over, and all the times I stopped into her work to decompress and gossip. I miss you baby girl!

I miss Wild 106.1. No joke, this is hands down one of the best radio stations in the world and I am completely blown away that I ever worked there. The man behind this monster won’t ever agree with me, because he’s shy like that, but you could take Wild straight up and throw it down next to any huge CHR and it will hold it’s own. I am proud of that beast as if it was my own and for a minute or so, I got to play on the team. But I honestly miss listening to it as much as working on it, although not as much as I miss the studio there because let’s face it, you could put ten of my studios in it and still have room for a napping couch.

Speaking of Wild… I miss my boys back home. I miss the insanely inappropriate Danny P, who sucks at staying in touch via Facebook but pretty much rules at life and doesn’t know it, but held my head on straight more times than not. I miss our mixers, DJ Slick-nicest mother grabbin’ dude on the coast, DJ Sauve Javi- new dad and old friend of mine, DJ Sol- who won’t tell you this, but he’s radder than eff and crazy talented. Also I’d be remiss in forgetting that snotty brat morning guy Jojo Lopez, who without I would have probably spent my last months in SLO with my head in the oven. Watch out for that kid, he’s a genius, maybe even an evil genius and one of the best people in the world. Hands. Effing. Down. Love that snot.

I miss Mr Ricks and having drinks with my boy Steven Murray after work. He’s not there anymore but I love him like family just the same. I miss Jenn Wynn. I miss Justin V like eff. Steve and Beau and of course the formidable Levi Caron, who will one day book the largest bands in the world. That kid has an ear for music that will blow you away. I miss my Avila Beach Familia- Jay, Courtney, Lora, Trent, Monkey, all y’all because you’ve always had my back and gave me more than I ever could repay. I love you bitches and I’m homesick for you.

I miss my BFF Tristan Negranti, which shouldn’t even be possible because we talk every day and he’s still a raging bag of dicks, just like I like him. I miss the possibility of running into that Jon Hansen asshat, because I love him too and love arguing with him. Don’t know if he knows this but I used to just save up crap to make him mad because Jon yelling… funniest thing ever. I miss my Scott Taylor. I miss Amy Jacobs. I miss Mardi Hall. I miss the lovely Micheala Tanner which I didn’t bring up in my blurb about Wild since she doesn’t work there anymore, she can be with the El Dorado peeps. No SERIOUSNESS Kella was so kind to bring me out of my shell at Mapelton and MAKE ME play with the others. I’m beyond glad she did.

What else do I miss… Man I miss walking down to the sand on a Sunday, popping my ear buds on and checking out for four hours. I miss dancing at the Grad (no really I do, the Grad here aint like back home.) I miss going wine tasting. I miss Mc Bar. I miss Sunday Funday.

Anyway… its all good. I’m finding my way here. I just want y’all back home to know you are insanely loved and not forgotten. I HOPE to be down before the book starts to visit for a night or two, so cross your fingers, I’ll hollah at you.

Love you all!