Spin Spin Sugar

I'm everyone – hang your label on me


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No More H8

The sheer amount of cynicism I’ve seen online today shouldn’t surprise me, since I’ve been on the old tubes of informations since my Freshman year of high school and I’m freakin’ 33.

Okay I get it. Changing your facebook photo does about nothing in the world. But do you ever think that maybe it makes some LGBTQ kid in some far off place that all they have as an outlet is the internet, feel just a damn bit better? To see that there are so many people in this country who don’t think they are wrong just for being who they were born as? Don’t you think that helps? Even if what the VAST majority of my facebook friends were doing today won’t do jack all crap towards the fight (and really we shouldn’t still be fighting about this, I don’t care what you have to say as to why, your stubborn logic hasn’t impressed me yet and it’s not going to) for GAY MARRIAGE, it’s giving younger LGBTQ kids hope that in the future they’re not going to have to be afraid of who they are. Why is that so hard for people to understand?

It makes it easier for kids raised by Gay parents to be “out” to their allies. I’ve had quite a few friends, who all turned out just as straight as anything raised in a gay loving home and it was hard for them sometimes because they we were without allies.

I’ve been sitting here, proudly scrolling through my facebook, looking at these allies. Because you know, these people hating on Gay marriage or same sex relationships are almost unnatural to me. Love is the MOST important thing in the world. You find your love in church? Cool go for it, I think religion is freakin’ fascinating and would gladly listen to you. You find your love in your husband or wife? Great I’m super excited for you too! Because love is amazing. You love your boyfriend? You love your girlfriend? Great. The point is, love is the underlying theme.

I LOVE my boyfriend. I think we could get married. I know we could. But I can’t do it with people TAKING that right away from two other consenting adults.

You might have guessed I have a lot of gay friends. Not the point. I know inequality when I see it. My baby sister and I marched in a No on H8 march together actually…

1 2 3 4 5

Because it’s not cool to keep people who love each other from realizing that commitment in a really big way. I really hope to see the day that this all gets sorted. You can’t CHOOSE who you love. Or WHY you love them. Get your head on right. You fall in love with who you do, not because you chose to but because love is a beautiful thing. It’s not against your God. It’s not because some girl never got boned right or because some boy is a sissy and it’s not because someone can’t make up their mind about which gender to love or be. It’s BECAUSE love is just that, love. I’ve felt that way since I even knew there were LGBTQ kids out there in the world.

I went to Washington State in December because I wanted to officiate my friend’s wedding. So I took my ordained self up there and married them on the first day it was legal and it was effing awesome. Because love is love.

Please California, understand.

(and yes, I expect the trolls who will post about beastiality, molestation, rape, incest, etc… don’t bother, I approve comments.)

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I stand with Planned Parenthood, Big Bird, the Gays, Disaster Relief et all etc

Tomorrow is election day.

I’ll be putting a little box next to my President’s name.

I voted for Barack Obama four years ago and I’m doing it again tomorrow.

You vote for whomever you want, just make sure you vote. You may think it doesn’t make a difference but it does. Especially at a local level so if you’re for or against something at a local level, maybe a cell phone tax or even weed or you hate grocery bags or whatever, your voice MATTERS. So go use it.

See you at the polls.

I didn’t get paid for posting this


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I believe in a power that is of and by the people. I believe in an art that cannot be compromised.

I was first introduced to Against Me! by my roommate and best friend Jen Wa the Destroyer. When we lived in the Grover Beach Crack House, Against Me! was a constant companion. Every situation in our life had an Against Me! song that went with it. It got us through some crazy shit. The poetry of Against Me! probably saved both of us from some crazies or whatever. One summer we went to Warped Tour together just to see this band and it was the best time. Because of my punk show at the time we got to go back and interview the band and it was awesome times. Fat Wreckchords hooked us up and we had a fabulous time interviewing not only the Against Me! dudes who had made us feel so sane, saying the shit we felt like, but other bands we loved and Jen and I probably got into some trouble.

I swear Jen and I didn’t empty this cooler out

A few years later Jen was in Boston and right before I flew out to see her I saw Against Me! was going to be playing in SLO when I got home. I was sad for a minute because I wanted to see them with her again but damnit if it didn’t make landing back in California without my best friend a lot easier knowing I was going to be seeing a band that understood me, I never knew why I felt like they understood me, but goddamnit they did.

It was a glorious show. The most fun I’d had in forever. Against Me! always did this to me. I just forgot everything because their music mirrored my thoughts. It kept me sane. Kept me breathing. Kept me just going “you know what fucking life, I know that somewhere in this world even though I’m too old to feel this way, there is someone out there that understands.”

The album  “New Wave,” came out and people were disappointed but I wasn’t. I liked many of the songs and repeatedly told people like when AFI’s big record came out, look they made the album they wanted to make, finally someone was going to pay for it. Someone would foot the bill for these guys to do what they wanted.

I moved to Chico right around the time “White Crosses” came out and missed another chance to see them in SLO. Tristan was nice enough to send me this:

It hangs in my bedroom now. It probably will hang in every house I have for a long time because this band saved me or at least my sanity at times when my friends and I could make ZERO sense of anything in our stupid white privileged 20 something lives.

So why the love letter?

Tom Gabel, the singer of Against Me! who is a lovely fucking human being who I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and hanging out with and just is an idealist and a poet and damnit, a really brave HUMAN BEING made the announcement today that he’s been living with gender dysphoria and has decided to become a woman.

I have to be honest, as open minded as I am, I was confused for a minute. I guess I always thought of Tom as the “guy” that understood me. And my friends of all genders.  He’s got a great almost Tom Waits meets modern punk voice but he was always saying things I was thinking.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that.. damn… That must have been a bitch to have to or want to hide. It must have been hard but it definitely at least in my opinion made their music better. Against Me! never seemed like it wasn’t accessible to me. It never seemed like they were unaccessible to anyone.

What I know I’m trying to say is I support Tom/Laura and his/her wife in their journey. Some people are going to be complete and total assholes to them. You know what, what the Gable family is going through is brave and completely honest, which is something alot of us can’t say for ourselves. I know there is gonna be some kind of back lash but all I have for all of them is LOVE and acceptance. It’s all Against Me! has ever expressed to me through their lyrics and their willingness to take care of me and my friends either through radio or just being at a show. I’d love to see this band continue to be honest and just be as raw and amazing as always. I don’t think which bathroom you take a piss in decides how hard or why you rock my friends. You have my support no matter what and I love you and applaud your bravery.

Now back to me being a selfish bitch, here are my FAVORITE Against Me! songs of all time.

Tom/Laura… whatever/whoever you want to be, just know that you’re loved. I support you and your family and I hope all of your fans and friends continue to do so too.

Good luck little voice in my head.


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Spirit Day 2011

Below is a repost of why I celebrate Spirit Day from last year. My reasons haven’t changed. If nothing else, I’m angrier at the challenges our gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans youths have to face and on top of that even more proud of the people who have stepped out to help them…

—-

 

Today is now called Spirit Day

It’s a day to show support for LGBT kids who are bullied and to try to call attention to the “recent rash” of suicides among young children/teens because they are being bullied for either being gay or being perceived to be gay.
I support the idea of calling attention to this. It is disgusting. It is horrible that kids are this mean to each other. I wonder where all these people who are so “concerned” now were before, because bullying isn’t new. It isn’t a fad.
As someone who was relentlessly picked on by the “popular” kids from about 5th grade until either my Senior year or graduation, I wonder where these people were when I didn’t want to go to school (and some times just didn’t) because I was sick of people picking on me. I was basically told by several people that if I would be more “normal,” the “popular” kids would accept me and life would be grand. But I didn’t want them to accept me, I thought they were total shit heads. I just wanted them to leave me the hell alone. Yeah, I was shorter than almost everyone. So I didn’t ask to be short. And yeah I didn’t have the “right” clothes because what freakin 5th grader needs designer jeans? Or 150 dollar shoes? Or why does it matter if I don’t like the same things as you? But what went on with me was “just” kids being kids.
I like to think this awareness campaign is a lot of people my age, who got sick of being told to “be normal” and “just ignore it, it will go away,” realizing that hey, we’re the grown ups now, we get to make the rules and some other child or teen will not have to go through this on our watch. I look around at the celebrities coming out against this, Lady Gaga, Eve, Adam Lambert, Sarah Silverman, Ke$ha, etc and I realize that age wise these people are my peer group. We are the grown ups now. We’re the adults. We get to “make the rules,” and set the pace and we’ve decided this is NOT OKAY.
The other reason I am so fired up about this is I hate the stigma of being a “suicide survivor.” I lost a very good friend and a huge part of my heart to suicide a couple of years ago and you know what is the worst? When people look at you like you’re a freak because of that, or when people just won’t let you talk about it, because yeah it’s uncomfortable. If it’s uncomfortable for you to hear about, how do you think someone who lost someone that way feels? How do you think it feels? I know people don’t always know the right things to say but sometimes you just have to listen. There is no shame in knowing someone who chose to take their own life. It isn’t your fault and you have every right to be angry, to be hurt, to be sad.
And I want any one to know that if they are considering something so drastic as to end their own lives, wait. Listen, I don’t even know you and I love you. I will listen to you. I will hug you and take you for coffee/ice cream/lemonade and I will listen to you. If it isn’t me, I promise you there is someone out there who will. Take a deep breath my tiny darlings and realize that the whole world is out there for you. I am living breathing proof that the bullying stops, it gets better. And the people picking on you? They may even apologize to you later in life. It’s happened to me. Stand up, stand proud and realize that you are so freakin’ amazing just the way you are, and that when you get older, people are going to fall all over themselves to know you. We “freaks” know this about each other. We stick together.
It’s hard and it sucks to be a teenager. But when it’s over and you survive it all, guess what? You get to lead your life the way you want. You get to make the rules.
Even now, YOU define who you are. Seriously mother eff any one who tells you that’s wrong. You are more than ONE thing. You are not just gay, bisexual, lesbian, trans-gendered, short, black, white, Asian, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, etc. You are artists, you are scientists waiting to happen, you are musicians, you are soon to be famous actors and directors, you are writers, you are future cops, firefighters, politicians. You are what’s next. I am standing up for you now, because I need someone to run the world when I’m done. You’re what is next, just hang in there. Just make it. Just know that this world is YOURS next and we need you and we love you.


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Repost: My friend John is brilliant

Religion is a bad excuse for homophobia

by John William Davies on Saturday, March 12, 2011 at 9:38am

On the eve of the Tolerance Forum, for which I gave a very personal and vulnerable talk about my growing up experience, I got caught up in yet another Facebook debate. A friend posted a link, disapprovingly, about an anti-gay law in Kansas and this friend’s conservative Christian family decided to chime in. One person said something to the effect of, “If we pass laws protecting homosexual acts, what’s to keep us from passing laws protecting incest or bestiality? Where do we cross the line?” To which I responded, “Homosexuality is an i ntrinsic characteristic. Anti-gay laws do not merely discriminate against people who engage in a specific sex act. They discriminate against an entire class of people, many of whom are monogamous, a number of whom (among young people and clergy especially) are celibate. The comparison to incest or bestiality is invalid and offensive.” Another conservative Christian following the thread added the insight, “I am intrinsically given to adultery, but I practice restraint.” I made a brief remark, then left the debate because the level of ignorance was beginning to give me a headache. I assume that this last individual is a married man (by his age and the tenor of his remarks). Perhaps I am wrong. But, if he is a married heterosexual, then he is not practicing restraint with regard to his heterosexuality. The underlying assumption, I think, for both of these individuals with whom I sparred, is that heterosexuality is true north for everyone and that homosexuality (a “condition” associated mostly with men among homophobic people, though there is this thing called lesbians) is just one of many possible deviations from this. What science and the weight of cultural progress is telling us is that a heterosexual orientation is true north for most of the world’s population, a homosexual orientation is for a minority, and a bisexual one is for an even smaller minority. This is a fact about a person regardless of h/er actions. However, falling in love is a natural development in each case and erotic expression is a natural development from that. A participant in our culture who is cognizant and really paying attention can identify progress in how we see people in these minority classes. Legitimizing incest or bestiality would be a case of regress. Each of these perversions, moreover, hinge on patriarchal assumptions. That is, the male controls the sexual equation in every case and the receptical is irrelevant. The acceptance of gays into society is a move AWAY from patriarchy and its abuses. It might be added that straight men have penetrated straight men – historically – out of these same assumptions. This is was what happened in Sodom and this is what happens in prison every day. Not every incidence of homosexual behavior is an indication of homosexual orientation any more than heterosexual rape deligitimizes all heterosexuality. As far as adultery goes, someone is clearly being betrayed. Who is being betrayed by Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner, who have been together for 30 years? God? Really? … Bottom line is, the attitude that seeks to marginalize gay people is an outgrowth of old, fundamentalist thinking. It is not even valid as an expression of religious belief. Recruiting Jesus to the anti-gay cause is insane. Jesus declared that if you call your brother “raca” (effeminate), you are worthy of hellfire. He stood up for Roman eunuchs, the sexual minorities of his day, and healed a centurion’s “boy” without cultural comment. This is all in the Bible. Look it up. … It is time to stop giving Evangelicals and their allies a free pass on their anti-gay rhetoric simply because they claim that it is their religious conviction. This rhetoric and these laws affect a whole class of people in a profound and staggeringly negative way. I call bullshit.


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Dear Pixar

Dear Pixar,

Thank you for your “It Gets Better” video.

(If you haven’t seen it, here it is:)

http://www.youtube.com/v/4a4MR8oI_B8?fs=1&hl=en_US&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f

This video had me in tears.

Here is why:

These are “regular” people. These aren’t celebrities. These are just people like me and the rest of the world out there who got to find their way in life and they want to show troubled / bullied / scared kids that it does in fact get better.

But also because Pixar is not afraid to support Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered people. Pixar is the one company I least expected to come out and say “Hey a ton of our family/staff is gay and we support them,” not because I didn’t think this was the way it was, but because this is sort of a dangerous statement to put out there when you are in children’s entertainment and when you are marketing to a majority.

I love you Pixar, for looking at this situation like “money be damned, this is who we are and it’s okay and it’s okay for you to be that way too.”

I am probably reading too much into this but big props to you Pixar. This was beautiful.

Love
Stephanie


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spirit day (or why I’m wearing purple today)

Today is now called Spirit Day

It’s a day to show support for LGBT kids who are bullied and to try to call attention to the “recent rash” of suicides among young children/teens because they are being bullied for either being gay or being perceived to be gay.
I support the idea of calling attention to this. It is disgusting. It is horrible that kids are this mean to each other. I wonder where all these people who are so “concerned” now were before, because bullying isn’t new. It isn’t a fad.
As someone who was relentlessly picked on by the “popular” kids from about 5th grade until either my Senior year or graduation, I wonder where these people were when I didn’t want to go to school (and some times just didn’t) because I was sick of people picking on me. I was basically told by several people that if I would be more “normal,” the “popular” kids would accept me and life would be grand. But I didn’t want them to accept me, I thought they were total shit heads. I just wanted them to leave me the hell alone. Yeah, I was shorter than almost everyone. So I didn’t ask to be short. And yeah I didn’t have the “right” clothes because what freakin 5th grader needs designer jeans? Or 150 dollar shoes? Or why does it matter if I don’t like the same things as you? But what went on with me was “just” kids being kids.
I like to think this awareness campaign is a lot of people my age, who got sick of being told to “be normal” and “just ignore it, it will go away,” realizing that hey, we’re the grown ups now, we get to make the rules and some other child or teen will not have to go through this on our watch. I look around at the celebrities coming out against this, Lady Gaga, Eve, Adam Lambert, Sarah Silverman, Ke$ha, etc and I realize that age wise these people are my peer group. We are the grown ups now. We’re the adults. We get to “make the rules,” and set the pace and we’ve decided this is NOT OKAY.
The other reason I am so fired up about this is I hate the stigma of being a “suicide survivor.” I lost a very good friend and a huge part of my heart to suicide a couple of years ago and you know what is the worst? When people look at you like you’re a freak because of that, or when people just won’t let you talk about it, because yeah it’s uncomfortable. If it’s uncomfortable for you to hear about, how do you think someone who lost someone that way feels? How do you think it feels? I know people don’t always know the right things to say but sometimes you just have to listen. There is no shame in knowing someone who chose to take their own life. It isn’t your fault and you have every right to be angry, to be hurt, to be sad.
And I want any one to know that if they are considering something so drastic as to end their own lives, wait. Listen, I don’t even know you and I love you. I will listen to you. I will hug you and take you for coffee/ice cream/lemonade and I will listen to you. If it isn’t me, I promise you there is someone out there who will. Take a deep breath my tiny darlings and realize that the whole world is out there for you. I am living breathing proof that the bullying stops, it gets better. And the people picking on you? They may even apologize to you later in life. It’s happened to me. Stand up, stand proud and realize that you are so freakin’ amazing just the way you are, and that when you get older, people are going to fall all over themselves to know you. We “freaks” know this about each other. We stick together.
It’s hard and it sucks to be a teenager. But when it’s over and you survive it all, guess what? You get to lead your life the way you want. You get to make the rules.
Even now, YOU define who you are. Seriously mother eff any one who tells you that’s wrong. You are more than ONE thing. You are not just gay, bisexual, lesbian, trans-gendered, short, black, white, Asian, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, etc. You are artists, you are scientists waiting to happen, you are musicians, you are soon to be famous actors and directors, you are writers, you are future cops, firefighters, politicians. You are what’s next. I am standing up for you now, because I need someone to run the world when I’m done. You’re what is next, just hang in there. Just make it. Just know that this world is YOURS next and we need you and we love you.