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I'm everyone – hang your label on me

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On the day you were born

I remember wanting you here before you got here, my sister, my other half. I knew Mom was having a girl, I just knew it even though I was only eight. They were sure you were a boy and even had a name picked out for you and everything, but I knew, you were my sister.

Sometimes Mom would fall asleep and I would read to you while you were kicking it in the MomCondo. You probably don’t remember that, you were all fetal and shit at that moment but I knew you were coming out of there.

When Mom went into labor with you she and I were grocery shopping, her water broke at  Food For Less (classy, this family) and Mom, being Mom even asked me if  I could drive home. Well no, I couldn’t, I was 9 but we got home and Mom was Mom up until the minute you came into the world.

My grandma woke me up to talk to y(our) dad on the phone that night and they told me I had a little sister (duh, I knew that) and later on I helped Mom name you.

I helped Mom with your baby book because she hates her handwriting. You were “mine” from the minute you showed up, even when you threw yourself off the porch or cried like a lunatic constantly. I was there when you said something for the first time, when you stopped pooping in your own drawers, all that. It was me and you.

Because you were a mean little shit when you were a kid you and your friends used to wake up hella early on sleep over party weekend nights and climb all over me in bed and beg me to unleash the Pepsi or cookies or whatever it was that Mom said you couldn’t have and just to get you little shits to stop bothering me, I’d do it. But I also used to stage some pretty dope games of “pretend” for you and your friends and Barbies and whatever unwilling participant was around. We made a movie once with your best friend and you guys were the best (worst) actors in the world but it was super fun.

You went to college in the town I lived in. You met your now husband there and I remember the phone call, when you were still new and nervous at life, about if you should go on a date with this guy and I listened to you tell me all the nice and wonderful things he did for you and told you a million times, yes, go out with the boy, if he sucks, don’t go out with him again and I’ll have him killed.

You went out with that boy.

You married that man. You got an amazing second (or in our case third family) I cried through the whole thing because you feel more like my daughter than my sister. And it’s always felt like I’ve known your husband and his family my whole life. Like when I met the lot of them on your graduation day I felt like they were my family too.

And so today, my darling, my bowling ball head, the absolute true love of my life who isn’t a cat, is your last day in the town your fell in love with your husband in and ironically the apartment complex you used to live in. And you, my darling, my fearless, elegant, seriously insanely smart and perfect baby sister, my baby… you’re off to another state and I am sad, because I will miss you. I hate that you’ll be too far to see whenever I want. I hated that when I left this area the first time. But I know you’re in good hands (your own, although you husband does make me feel like at least there is another set of eyes on you, because if anything happens to you, someone’s getting seriously injured) and you’re moving to a wonderful place and I am no more than a text message/phone call/facebook post away and if anyone looks at you funny, you know I’ll be there in like less than 10 minutes, space, time, physics be damned. Ain’t no one gonna hurt my baby.

I love you and I am proud of you and I am proud of your husband, excuse me, my brother. I love you both and wish you the best in the Emerald City.


little sister



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I stand with Planned Parenthood, Big Bird, the Gays, Disaster Relief et all etc

Tomorrow is election day.

I’ll be putting a little box next to my President’s name.

I voted for Barack Obama four years ago and I’m doing it again tomorrow.

You vote for whomever you want, just make sure you vote. You may think it doesn’t make a difference but it does. Especially at a local level so if you’re for or against something at a local level, maybe a cell phone tax or even weed or you hate grocery bags or whatever, your voice MATTERS. So go use it.

See you at the polls.

I didn’t get paid for posting this

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It’s a Girl!

Last night I was sitting with my friends over at the End Zone watching the Alabama game when I got the news, I’m an Auntie again! My friend Chelsea gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl yesterday. May I present you Lily Ryan Dunham.

Isn’t she gorgeous?


Chelsea and I met in high school and I have to say she is one of my best friends. We had PE together and shit ton of honors classes. She was always the smartest person in all of my classes and she wasn’t shy. She was mouthy, interesting and I though she was just beautiful. (She still is, it’s just taken her awhile to realize it!) She was also really sensitive and kind and just an all around amazing sex bomb of awesome. Of course I had to be friends with her. Bucket of duh.

Chelsea and I at the Mint some time in 2004


One day a long while back Chelsea just got up and moved to Alaska. Just like that, seeyalaterbye, she was in Alaska. I was so shocked and completely impressed. When I moved to San Luis Obispo, it was Chelsea I consulted for advice on how to move, how to be a grown up, should I clip coupons, should I do X Y and Z because she’d already done it and on a much grander scale than I did. We wrote letters and emails and shared blogs while we both pursued our dreams, probably both secretly pleased we’d escaped Bakersfield in the mean time.  And during all this time between escaping Bakersfield and moving to Alaska, Chelsea met Sam and they decided to get married.

This is from the rehearsal dinner


I met Sam for the first time when they visited me in San Luis Obispo. Sam is funny and mouthy and quirky and nerdy and well… just freakin’ perfect. He loves all the same things about Chelsea that I love and makes sure she has fun in her life which is one of those really important things for women like Chelsea and I, we get so focused that we forget to have fun. But Sam does that for her and so much more. They have a wonderful relationship and I am so glad. When Chelsea told me they were going to start trying for a baby, I couldn’t think of anyone who would be better parents than these two.

And yesterday that happened. My strong, beautiful, amazing friend had her daughter yesterday morning. And as Fairy Godmother to this precious human, I will make sure she has books and music and a third strong feminist figure in her life. Probably gonna send her a teddy bear first though.

Congrats Dunhams!



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Someone at Time Magazine agrees with me.

You might remember my post about Tommy Jordon. I found it interesting today, in light of some negative (and expected) feedback I got on that post, that a Time magazine columnist also agreed with me on several points.

You can read CHRISTOPHER J. FERGUSON‘s post here.

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“fashion” sucks these days

Ben and I went out this weekend in pursuit of clothes for me, specifically something for me to wear to Social Distortion tonight. We came home empty handed for the most bit, aside from some DNKY leggings and a couple of Calvin Klein t-shirts. All of which we got at Costco. So I wonder what that says about where I live that even to get quality basics, I have to go to Costco…. Anyway, after our Costco trip we went downtown to shop the boutiques and for the most part I found absolutely NOTHING I would actually put on my body.

Last night during the Grammys some outfit I liked came up on my Facebook feed and I showed it to Ben and he said “Oh so you like more conservative clothes then?” And it sort of threw me for a loop because I don’t think anything about my sense of fashion is conservative other than the fact that I WEAR clothes instead of hankerchiefs.

So in honor of this horrific revelation that I’m “conservative” here are some looks I like:


Timeless and sexy

I am actually most likely too short for this to ever “work” on me, but Jennifer had one I borrowed often and it really did me justice. Hers had verticle pin stripes that really made look taller though.

Gwen Stefani is fucking flawless

Gwen Stefani is not much taller than me. And I could kiss her for the Harajuku Girls line because she does seem to remember what it was like to not be a millionaire. But this outfit is so classy and edgy, if I could get my hands on something similar I’d be all over it.

the pants a million times yes

I would wear everything this woman is wearing

By the way the above outfit is what made Ben say my tastes are conservative.

Miss Sixty Jeans

My favorite jeans in the world were Miss Sixty jeans.Yes I can get other brands of 100+ dollar denim up here but thanks to the Jersey Shore, they’ve been blinged. No thank you.

trash or class?

I would rock this skirt eight ways from Sunday.

I’d also probably sell a kidney for this dress from ModCloth

I guess as I was when I first moved to SLO, I’m just a victim of not knowing where to go even though I have been EVERYWHERE. Our Forever 21 is like some derelict homeless shelter’s cast off closet. We don’t really have a high end department store. Our thrift stores pretty much straight up suck and the boutique stores are either importing clothes from New Jersey or fashion for us “common people,” is just a joke of the highest order these days. I don’t know, but I’m not plunking down 50 dollars for a blouse that is less structurally sound than a napkin.

I must be getting old.


This whole Tommy Jordon dude shooting his daughter’s laptop over facebook thing…

I’m sure you’ve seen this dude’s video on the internet by now. You know the guy with the teenage daughter that complained about her life on facebook and his idea of a “punishment,” for expressing how she felt  was to  berate her and her feelings and then  shoot her laptop ten times with hallow point rounds. Because he got his feelings hurt about facebook. He called her immature, spoiled and even at one point implied she was slow because she needed a chore list to remember all of the chores she has to do.

So wait, let me get this straight. A grown man is mad about something on FACEBOOK. Facebook. A social networking site that for teens of this era is the equal of talking to a friend on the phone or at very least writing in their diary. You’d be hard pressed to find a kid who at some point hasn’t complained about something their parents have done. And Facebook is the new way of doing that. It’s just kids expressing themselves.

However I get the feeling that in Mr Jordon’s house expressing ones self isn’t very popular and probably isn’t allowed. It probably gets you called stupid or dumb or immature or worse. I have a feeling that in that video we’re seeing the “nice” version of Mr. Jordon and not the day to day of what his daughters life is like.

Why would I think such a thing? I mean who am I to judge? Shouldn’t this man be able to “parent” his child any way he wants?

A gun is a violent tool. I don’t disagree with people’s rights to own them but it is a violent tool. It has one purpose and one purpose only, to kill. If that be in self defense or for hunting purposes, whatever, guns are for killing things. Like hammers are for putting nails in things, guns are for killing. Pure and simple. What else would you use one for? I mean you could try to hammer a nail with one but why? They make less explosive tools for that.

To teach your child a lesson with a tool made for killing is well pardon the word play, overkill. I know it’s a radical notion that children have valid feelings or that sometimes maybe they get frustrated and need to talk about how they are frustrated, but sometimes they do. I was a teenage girl not thaaaaat long ago and it does get frustrating to have every one dismiss your feelings because you are “just a child.” Your age does not determine how you react to having to constantly mop up mud or how you react to being belittled because you need a list to help you manage your time or how you feel about being embarrassed by your parents on the entire internet.

There are a lot of people calling this guy father of the year. I think that’s crap. If this had been a video about a husband blowing holes in his stay at home wife’s laptop for being frustrated with the amount of things she has to do when she doesn’t “work” for the money he spends on her, people would be calling for his head on a stick. At least rational people. Because the act was violent. The notion behind it was violent. It was threatening. I know some people are taking it as a “ha ha kid, you don’t know everything,” but I saw it as “If you don’t behave, you could be this laptop.”

Kids are not born disrespectful. And if they are treated with respect and nurtured instead of talked down to and bullied into behaving in a way adults find acceptable they will learn respect. Children mimic what they see around them and if this is how Mr Jordon and his wife and ex-wife parent their child, through shame and threatening tactics, well… its no wonder she’s acting “disrespectful.” Your kids act how you treat them.

Telling your child they are stupid, immature, unimportant, etc hurts. It stings. It stays. They don’t forget. That little girl was angry about something besides chores and having to do something. She wasn’t being a “bratty teenager” who didn’t want to do her chores. She was complaining about a lack of respect. I don’t think it’s out of line to give a child allowance for doing chores. It helps teach them responsibilty with both work and money. I can almost promise that girl would know the value of a dollar that Mr Jordon seems intent on teaching her with violence if she was rewarded for her work in a small monetary fashion. Instead of buying her stuff and then using it as a weapon to lord over her, let her earn it. She’ll value it more and feel like a grown up and start acting like one. Provided of course her father ever treats her like one.

I’m disgusted with the amount of people cheering this guy on. It makes me sad for children across the country that people are starting think corporal punishment is the way to go with their kids. Those belt straps leave marks that last forever.

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Planned Parenthood


Just like knowledge is power

I’ve been watching the budget debates for the last few days and watching our country almost grind to a halt in part because the Republicans (and maybe it’s more these Tea Party loonies) want Planned Parenthood to be defunded to SAVE THE BUDGET, while still funneling massive amounts of money into various war efforts.


Odd, sometimes your tax money funding a war kills babies, but that’s for America right? That’s for freedom so it’s okay? Its to fight terror, so that’s okay, right? I mean… these are the babies of terrorists, so they don’t count right?

The thing is this: Planned Parenthood doesn’t just provide abortions and before this whole budget thing went into effect they still weren’t able to accept federal funds to provide abortions. In fact abortions are only 3% of what Planned Parenthood does.

Look I’m in radio. My health insurance goes from non existent to “meh,” and that’s the nature of the beast.  Planned Parenthood is  made for people like me and other people who can’t afford their reproductive care. They do STD testing. They offer contraceptives, they do CANCER screenings. They also SEE MEN. It’s true. If you’re a guy and you need your junk looked at and you have no health insurance? Planned Parenthood will take care of you. It’s NOT JUST FOR WOMEN. It’s NOT JUST FOR ABORTIONS.

It’s pretty much science, if you want to stop abortions, the best way to do that is to provide the reproductive care people need in order to be able to manage their sexual health. I don’t understand how funding an agency that provides a means to PREVENT ABORTIONS is funding abortions. This does not compute.

If someone could explain, I’d listen. Seriously, because I don’t get it.


And I do.