Y’all know I’m a Seahawks fan and some of you haven’t been really kind about it, but that’s okay, I love you anyway. But yeah, so that game on Monday happened and the entire nation and all those yapping faces at ESPN felt the need to jump in and start antagonizing the 12th Man and the team and Pete Carroll and probably we kidnapped the Baby Jesus at some point. I never know exactly what it is we as the Seahawks nation do wrong other than being a new-er team and not being one of the big ol money cranking machines that some teams (and some of these teams have actively sucked for the last couple of years) that other teams are.
My Raiders Nation people always joke that they get penalized for being the Raiders. I assure you my friends in the Black Hole (and holy moley you’re a rad bunch, nothing but love for you) we get the same thing. We get penalties for having the audacity to have a football team in Seattle. I’m pretty sure there is a meeting every time the Seahawks are on regular ol’ television and re-show some of these chuckleheads where Washington State is. I’m almost sure there is a chorus of “Wait, there’s football in South Alaska?” on those days, and then they pull the map out again and show them that Washington State is NOT Washington DC (What up Redskins?!) and that it is actually in the lower 48. (What up Alaska?! You have some great Hawks fans and we love you too!)
The point I and my new blogger BFF, superstar Math Teacher Brandon are trying to make to some of the world (only some, really like what 98% of them?) is that if this had been reversed and the Packers had won, the rest of the world would’ve just went, “See those Seahawks sure suck and they deserved that horrible call,” but when it’s America’s Favorite Son we’re like killing kittens and hating Jesus or something.
At any rate I have three more points to make and then I am never talking about Week 3 again, so stop asking after you’re done reading this.
1-The Seahawks sacked Aaron Rodgers like 8 times. Not the refs. Not me either by the way. That was the actual Seahawks. The guys who make enough money to take your b.s. and abuse because you’re sooooo unhappy with the outcome of the game. The Seahawks sacked Aaron Rodgers. They did that. Cats and dogs then went on picnics together and lived in harmony.
2-No one would give a mad mother eff if this had happened against the Rams (sorry my brothers on the Everyone Hates Us Boat, I love Josh Brown, lets be friends again on Monday) or like the Bengals or some other place that people forget have a team. If you’re not the Patriots, the Packers, the Cowboys or the Vikings (and nothing but love for you guys either, noble friends in the Northeast), you really can’t win in the forum of public opinion. You don’t sell enough t-shirts so in laymen’s terms you may eff yourself. Unless you’re the Raiders, since you sell so many shirts. But apparently you guys can still eff yourselves for being the Raiders. Don’t worry my scary and awesome friends in the Black Hole, we have room for you in the Everyone Hates Us Boat as well. Come on down. We have cookies.
3-The NFL Ref Lock Out is now over. You are welcome.
In the interest in moving forward with the universe, two more things to share: I still want a Marshawn Lynch jersey or shirt. Also I’m walking to save dogs and cats this weekend and if I make a thousand dollars personally, I’ll do it in my Seahawks Jersey. In Chico California where the “Welcome to Chico,” sign says “Home of Aaron Rodgers. You can donate to this hot mess by going here: