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I'm everyone – hang your label on me

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Thirty Three

In a few days I’ll be 33 years old. But what does that number even mean?



KROQ music

I stopped listening to KROQ stream for awhile when I moved up here. Mostly because it depresses me that I will most likely never work there and it seems as though I have been daily reminded as to how much further (i.e. how OLD I’m getting, and I’m a woman so that actually still matters. Maybe it won’t for my sister’s children) I am from that goal. But yesterday I was having a OMG IF I HEAR FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH ONE MORE TIME I’M GOING TO KICK SOMEONE STRAIGHT IN THE BALLS kind of day and I punched it up and damn… whoever is programming down there is flawless.

this was the logo when my dad worked there

Flawless… it’s a strange word. Of course they played songs I don’t like. Of course they played things that I’d rather fast forward through (Coldplay I am looking at you, get off my lawn) but that’s not the point. What KROQ does perfectly is capture Los Angeles. I can turn on KROQ and suddenly remember driving down the 405 towards the Getty and that round building on the way to my Aunt Sharon’s house. I can remember getting off the 170 at Oxnard to go to the apartment, or driving down Ventura to go to Buffalo Exchange and that one coffee shop Jeremy liked a lot over there.

I can remember exactly how to get from Oxnard to Universal Studios and the creepy mannequins at the Toyota dealership there. Or going to the Money Tree in the Valley. KROQ for me for a long time was just a jump over the hill. I went to LA a few times by myself when I was like 19. Never told anyone. My grandma would’ve had a goat about me driving my car down there alone, rightfully so but I was 19 and sometimes I just wanted to go to LA for the day. I would go on my days off from school and drive down and drive around Hollywood since it was the closest. I went to the KROQ building once to try to get some stickers. Ate some cheese fries at Dalts. Drove to some tourist traps and bought Megan a keychain. Mostly I would just go to listen to KROQ and imagine living there someday and working at that station.

I hear songs and I think of Toi Thai. I think of the LA Woman view. I think of the valley. I think of Santa Monica. I think of getting off the airplane at LAX and just thinking “this is home.”

I think of the drop in from Ventura county and how KROQ used to start coming in about the Wagon Wheel exit there on the 101. I think of Oki Dogs. I think of the weird Asian place that has a hot dog on top of it. I think of the Burgandy Room and the Rainbow and 800 shows at the Roxy.

I think of the Hollywood sign and the Frolic Room and laying down next to David Bowie’s star on the walk of fame and I wonder, how did I get so damn far away from where I wanted to be?

And that’s what good radio does. It gives you a feeling of a place and of belonging and when I listen to KROQ I feel like I’m back in Los Angeles.


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Two years ago I shoved a very indignant cat, hella clothes in trash bags and a few boxes into a UHaul and moved to a town I had been to. Once. For less than six hours. That’s just plain straight up stupid, but I did it.

Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of my starting work at Z-Rock. And moving to Chico.

I didn’t know what I was getting into and things have been challenging to say the least. But I’ve made some friends, played with some cute babies, ate some cold raw fish and played in the snow for the first time in a million years.

So anyway tomorrow Ben and I will be down at Farmer’s Market. I need some flowers for my house and would like to food truck it up for awhile if any one is interested in joining us.

My first Taste of Chico

my “kids”

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A long time ago my dad and I were living on Ashe Road in Bakersfield and stuff was going wrong left and right. I’d been arrested for no reason, my grandma had just passed on etc. Life was just kicking me in the pants. And my friend Russ was living in Northridge at the time and called me out of the blue to go to a cd signing for the band Orgy. During this conversation Russ told me about the band Deadsy.

Deadsy. Stupid name right? And yet I was hooked instantly. Stealing their songs off Limewire (don’t worry I made up for it I’ll tell you how if you can hang through this story) Russ and I went to see Deadsy in December of 2000. It was beyond amazing. I was in love and there was no stopping it.

Being a Deadsy fan wasn’t easy. I’m pretty sure that we sat through about 3 false starts and also already owning the record via ebay before Commencement (02) came out. Being a Deadsy fan in radio meant some other stuff… teaching street team members how to properly request songs and helping the band win song of the day contests. I remember sitting on the Deadsy chat the night the band finally won 5 days in a row on the station I worked at and how happy everyone was. How happy I was, because sitting on this message board, these chats etc, I started to make friends.

Matt and Rebekah got married. Beth had a gorgeous daughter. Jennifer moved in with me. Jimmie just got engaged. Susanface is still a good friend and I used to have her to my house in SLO a lot. Miguel became a teacher. Alli had a couple of gorgeous kids. April is working on daughter number 2 but her first one is Hello Kitty cute and the light of her life. Natalie just had Atticus her very own grump bear. Jim over there in Europe married his soul mate too. Casey Fucking Bowden lives an hour from me and I see him a couple of times a year. He married his long time sweetie and is doing fine. Danielle is doing some crazy fashion shit. Brandie, who stayed at my parents in Bakersfield with me at some point is engaged and doing her life’s work. Angela, sweet Angela is expecting her 3rd baby and doing great in LA.


I went on to run street team for the entire West Coast for this band. Why? I needed something to take my mind off of things and this was it. I met people, I talked on the phone to strange little girls and boys all across the country. I sent fliers. I gave orders. I gave advice. I listened to some of them cry.  And sometimes when things got really bad they listened to me cry. I fought  with their record rep (And Carlton was right, Jennifer and I would be around a lot longer than that asshat would be. Yes I am talking to you D, do you still have my card?) I sat up till 5am once policing the message board to kill download links.

This was the band that saved my life when I went through the really horrible Q times. I always had Deadsy chores to do. Or kids to talk to.


The last Deadsy show I ever went to was November 7th 2006 at the Ventura Theatre. They were on tour with the Deftones (also classy as fuck dudes) and after the show Jennifer, my friend Paul and a couple of dudes from the Deadsy camp went over to the bar across the street. We did carbombs in plastic cups and drank Newcastle like it was a fire sale. We didn’t know it then, but we were having a Vikings funeral for about 7 years of my life. I’d never see them play as Deadsy again. The random seeing Carlton with Berlin thing would happen or I’d get an IM or whatever but that was it. The end.

I’m still friends with almost everyone I met from this band. This was better than high school for me. This band that left the Trapt tour and flew 3000 miles to play my radio stations festival. This band who told their record company to fuck off for me. This band that introduced me to some of my best friends… I wouldn’t have half of the friends I do now without them. I love these guys, no matter what.

nowheregrrl was living in a dream


No cameras in the vip area


duck face


I know nothing

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completely frivolous shit that I want and I want it now

nom nom nom

I want to go eat some goddamn sushi. And I don’t mean go get a roll and nibble, I want to eat all the things, even the weird shit I don’t normally eat. I want to go and order like money and time are no object. I want to stuff myself stupid with raw fish.

I want a pedicure.

I want a pedicure. I used to be such a bitch about this and go every other week, without fail. Pay day was toes day. I’m lucky if I get one every six months now. There’s simply not TIME. I never have any time for anything.

I want a massage

I want a massage. I won a massage in a contest and never had time to go get it. So it’s the money it’s time. Because since I don’t drive, time is not my own anymore. And there is always some more important chore to be done on the weekends like I don’t know buy groceries and do laundry since I can’t drive. And Ben works during the week. So no massage for me.

I want new shoes.

All of my shoes unless you count my flip flops from Old Navy are over a year old. I need shoes.

yes I really want a pair of shorts

I have one pair of shorts. It’s about to get hot, you do the math on how that’s going to work out.

a decent nights sleep


Never gonna happen.