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I'm everyone – hang your label on me

creepy pool guy


I live in an apartment complex with a pool. It was one of my only requirements besides being pet friendly when I was looking for a place here. Last summer it was full of kids and such and that’s expected. This year when it’s full of kids, it’s usually my friend’s children.

This year the pool has pretty much been empty the majority of the time. Except for Creepy Pool Guy. He’s earned this name by only using the pool when I get in it.

oh hi there

Like without fail, no matter what time of day I go down to the pool between 10-20 minutes later this dude will be coming in and asking me “Do you mind if I join you?”  First of all its a community pool, just use the damn thing and leave me alone. You don’t have to ask me if I care if you’re out there. I don’t have the right to care. If you’re that annoying to me, I can go back the hell up to my apartment where I came from. The only thing I mind is that you’re talking to me when I clearly have headphones on and am reading a book. Go swim. Shut up.

I know, I sound like a total bitch, but seriously more than a friendly head nod or a “hello,” hastily mumbled as you walk by is too much conversation for me and a stranger when I’m in a bathing suit or relaxing. Everyone knows, public pool rules state, pretend everyone else isn’t there!

After establishing that I could care less if this dude is at the pool that he also pays rent to be at, he will swim for about 10-15 minutes and then start talking to me again. “Whatcha readin?” is a popular one. “Just a book.” is usually the answer which would shut most people up, because again social cues dictate that I don’t want to talk to you. “What’s it about?” About this time I’m considering going back up to my apartment because it becomes obvious that CPG wants to chat. “It’s just a chick book. Romance stuff.”

“Oh cool.” He’ll get out of the water and then take a chair a little too close to mine. There are 35 freakin chairs out there and he’ll pick the one like two chairs down from me, every time.

“Well yeah, I wasn’t going to be out here for very long so…”

Thanks for the update champ. I still don’t want to talk to you.

His other favorite attempt at starting conversations with me is “Is that an adult beverage you’re drinking?” Cue me mentally strangling him, because if it is, who cares and if it isn’t who cares? Who cares if I’m drinking swamp water?

Usually I’ll tell him its water just to seem as boring as possible. I’ve pretended not to hear him because of my headphones but he’ll wave to get my attention. And this ONLY happens when I’m alone down there. He never comes out when my friends are here or when Ben is around or when any of the other residents of the apartment complex are also at the pool when I am. Just when I am. Even at 8 in the morning after a run, he’ll come down and get in. I don’t even know what apartment he lives in but obviously it has a window view of the courtyard.  I never even see him in the water when the pool is completely empty.

I’m sure its all a coincidence but still… creepy.


2 thoughts on “creepy pool guy

  1. I hope I can be a creepy pool guy some day.

  2. “Everyone knows, public pool rules state, pretend everyone else isn’t there!”


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