I want to go home.
I want to go home.
So today is Father’s Day and my dad is here visiting me in Chico. This is great because last Father’s Day I was moving. Spent 12 hours in a huge U-Haul truck, not hanging out with my dad. Bummer.
My dad is pretty much the best of all the dads in the world. You can argue with me, but you’ll lose. My dad is awesome. The most important thing I learned from my dad was to be independent. When I moved in with Dad, I didn’t know how to get myself from one place to another, had never worked and had generally been treated like so much of a child I had no sense of responsibility. But at 16 when I went to live in our apartment at Mesa Creek back in Bakersfield, that all changed. I learned to ride the bus, which sounds dumb but knowing how public transport works in so valuable that it’s not even funny. And as a result instead of being bored all summer long when I didn’t have friends with cars or when I wanted to get something to eat at place that wasn’t on our block, I’d just get on the bus and go there. I explored all over the place, took a college course, went to the movies, etc. All because my dad encouraged me to be able to navigate things myself.
Also he encouraged me to work. Which was great because then I had my own money to do my own things with. And I didn’t have to depend on gifts from my grandma or my boyfriend at the time to pay for stuff. Want a cd? Great go use your paycheck and get it. Want to go out with you friends? Awesome, have fun.
Because of all of this by the time I was a senior in high school I had found what has become my career although at the time I had no idea. I really thought I was still going to be a journalist or something, but I don’t know that I would’ve actually found the thing I’m good at if it weren’t for my dad.
Lastly I learned how to love the Seattle Seahawks. Seriously it’s a sickness and there is no cure. My dad moved to Seattle for awhile in the 80’s and fell in love with them. And sent me all the best Seahawks crap in the world from up there. I had the best satin jacket. Even my Raiders gangster classmates were jealous. Ha ha. But seriously it’s been a fun frustration to carry around. 🙂
Right now my dad is doing a thing that is so “my dad” which is sitting outside at the picnic table in my apartment complex reading the paper and smoking a cigar. I went yesterday and got him a big Dr Pepper and three newspapers and he was happy as a clam. We also went to a cigar store and to the Bear and to Johnnies. He went to work with me for the last couple of days and I think that’s just hilarious, since I’ve been going to work with him since before I was born. (My favorite song when I was getting gestated was the Knack, “My Sharona.” Guess I’ve always liked skinny tie bands)
I love you Dad. Happy Father’s Day.
Yes the rumors are true, I am going to be turning 32 in less than a month. I have no plans for my birthday because I probably have to work and will also not have money to travel that particular weekend nor the desire to travel with the rest of America at the same time. Last year I had my birthday after only being in Chico for about two weeks so needless to say it was low key and if my parents hadn’t come up, I wouldn’t have done anything but sit at my pool and watch the butterflies or whatever.
Anyway I’ve started getting the usual “What do you want for your birthday?” questions and my standard answer is always “Nothing.” Because I didn’t even do anything to get born, after all. But I do love to shop online so here are somethings I like currently that I probably wouldn’t get for myself.
But really all I want on my birthday this year is to be with my friends here or there or where ever. Maybe eating some sushi or tacos and having a cocktail. I’ll probably have to work though.
About a year ago I said good bye to a lot of people. One of them was harder than the others. It’s been weighing on my mind lately because it has been about a year since I got here.
A year ago I cut my last show on my favorite radio station I’ve ever worked at. A year ago I had my “last” (at least for a few months) drink at the Black Sheep. I had my “last,” trip to the pier, to Ricks, to well everything. A year ago I awkwardly poured my heart out to a couple of people about some things and everyone said the same thing, “Tell them. Tell them how you feel.”
And I guess I did. I mean sort of. I mean not even at all. And someone told me I’d regret it if I didn’t. And I do. But I don’t. Because I knew it was selfish to say anything. So I didn’t. Not really. Not directly. Because everything I said came out like this blog. Muddled. Not clear.
But I like to think they knew what I was saying. I like to think they still know what I’m saying. Even when I’m not saying a word, because that’s how it was. Never a question.
I didn’t say what I wanted then. I’m sure as hell not going to say it now. If I’m right, they know anyway.
So over the weekend I was pretty homesick. I didn’t tell anyone about it because what’s the point? What can anyone do right?
But I was scanning Facebook and everyone was going to the big beerfest down there. And LMFAO and I don’t know… as I creep up on being in Chico for a year I’m starting to feel like that part of my life never happened. (Jojo Lopez said I should have felt like that within a month of being here, but I digress…) I spent eight years I intended to spend two. I made a gang of friends and eff it some of these people were/are family to me.
It’s funny the first couple of years I was there all I wanted to do was move to Los Angeles. It’s pretty much all I’ve ever wanted. And now when I get mopey all I want to do is go back to the coast and see my friends and bitch about radio and boys and whatever.
A couple of weeks ago I was out with my friend Jeremy. He’s probably one of the people in town who is most LIKE me out of anyone I’ve met in Chico. We had a remote and then got a hot shot over at the Rawbar and then went to Duffys to see Adele and then went to LaSalles and we saw my friend Bryan who I adore and at some point we were all laughing about something so hard, me, Ben and my friends that Bryan asked me how I could even miss San Luis Obispo. And at that point, at that minute, I didn’t. But that was just a minute.
I’m trying to make my new friends/family here. People are being so welcoming and so awesome. I have a few people who I could call up off the top of my head and could say “Let’s go get a drink and complain,” or “Hey want to go to the park and hike?” or even “I want to eat myself dumb on sushi, lets do it!” Or in the case of a select few, “Let’s watch ‘x-sport’ on TV and just be.”
I’m definitely more comfortable than I was.
It’s not all roses. It’s always a learning experience. I still can’t find my way around half the time, and maybe my internal compass points due south but I’m really trying to make it, after all. Like Mary Tyler Moore.
This song was my JAM when I left town last year… I am still not bullet proof. My heart is and always will be an open door.