Spin Spin Sugar

I'm everyone – hang your label on me

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three years later

Well here we are, Chris. Three years after the fact that you ate a really good meal and took a really long nap. You’ve missed a lot of things. The Rapture for one, most recently. You would’ve laughed your ass off at that one. I can’t even begin to imagine the stories you would’ve written, the blog posts, the facebook updates, freakin’ forget it. You would’ve had us all in crazy stitches.

There’s another presidential election coming up and good god we all know you loved those. I was so pissed that you weren’t around when Obama won the last time since I know you dug his chili and again would’ve wrote some of the best stuff.

Last year, on this day I signed the paperwork that took me 400 miles away from ANYONE I’d ever met. No joke. You would’ve been like “Whoa that’s not my Stephanie Bell, she isn’t impulsive like that,” Or you would’ve been like “You go girl, let’s go get some hummus about this!” But I did this in part because of you. You never seemed afraid of anything. Well until all this happened. Now I seriously doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

(That is such a you joke to make. Something is deadly (ha) serious, let’s make a wildly inappropriate joke and then go to the Toy Store with my little sister about it, seriously my darling because life is too short and there are way too many cats to be rescued and kissing contests to be had.)

I still can’t listen to your albums. Because if your voice sounds different than I remember, well shit dude, I’m doin’ it wrong. You were always such a great musician and I remember you trying to teach me against hope to play guitar. Actually when I moved last year I opened my guitar case and wouldn’t you know, Joey Lawrance’s head fell out. The cardboard one that you stole for my muse or whatever your motivation was. I laughed alone in this new place, out loud at that. Trolling me from beyond. Dick. I loved it.

You were a dick sometimes. It’s okay that I say that, you’d be the first to say it. And then act offended that someone didn’t like you, but that’s okay. Like when you thought it’d be a great idea to print the Senior Edition of the newspaper full of insults (I knew WHY you did it, I just didn’t know why you had the balls to) and unedited senior letters. I still have the letters. I also still had to re-do the entire thing and go to the Dean in a frilly dress and beg for a Senior Edition for MY class the next year. See? Dick. But I still helped you steal the originals out of the office and make those copies. Remember we hid them in Dracula’s coffin in Demello and it was the coolest thing? I think Jon Rupple helped us. Doesn’t matter, you ran off like 8 million copies and we stapled them and got them out even though I was so pissed because I had so much work to do.

But I also remember you singing to me. Showing me music. Food. Being there every single time I needed anything, even if you made fun of me for it. I remember all the times I ran into you downtown before I moved to SLO and how we would end up at each other’s house. I remember you dying my hair,  taking me to see like 8 shows in one week even though we’d been broken up forever. I remember that stupid velvet dress you picked out at some long gone store in the mall for me. Mandarin collar, floor length button up purple dress. I wish I had pictures but they’d be of me wearing that shit over cut off jean shorts, fishnets and Doc Martens.

I remember when you got that baseball to the face that made me think you were going to die so I asked someone to tell you I liked you. I remember the dime you gave me. I remember the sweet pickles bus most of all.  Or swing dancing with you in mosh pits. Or that I have pictures of most of this. Or that your band had one of my first (no seriously) first friends in it. I remember making zines with you.

It all runs together because every single thing you ever did was memory making. Long before you died. Long before you decided to leave us. Decided. That seems to be a stupid word, but it seems a hell of a lot nicer than what you did.

By the way, I’m also pissed that I don’t get to hear what you think about Lady Gaga. I’m sure you’d have something to say. That’s the thing, you were always a better writer than me and that’s cool, I realized it and found my own thing to do, but damn if I don’t miss reading your cocky asshole blogs/newspaper stories and whatever.

Every time I go home… every time, I go by where Mars used to be and I visit that one bit of the concrete where everyone and their mothers wrote in the sidewalk and I stand there and think of you. Everyone thinks I’m crazy but where else do I have to go?

I miss you, you were a beam of light, a crazy Dennis the Menace typed boy, who taught me to spell several words, appreciate several bands and some food that at that time my upbringing wouldn’t have (hello HUMMUS!) who taught me what it was like to really fall in love for the first time and then how to lose that but stay friends. I, to this day, because of you, try to stay friends with all of the people I ever meet.

When you died, I made this CD and I’m going to post the track listings for people who miss you as much as I do. I can think of two handfuls by names and facebook accounts off hand. I played this entire freakin thing on my punk show the weekend you died. I also know I forgot Tower of Power and Bela Fleck. Sue me, I was grieving.

1-Simmer Down –  Bob Marley & the Wailers

2-Don’t Call Me White – NoFX

3-Punk Rock Girl – Dead Milkmen

4-St Mary – Rancid

5-Feed the Tree – Belly

6-Seven – Sunny Day Real Estate

7-Disconnected – Face to Face

8-Heaven is Falling – Bad Religion

9-Brown Eyed Girl – Lagwagon

10-Totally – Screeching Weasel

11-Night of the Livid Queers – the Queers

12-99 Red Balloons – 7 Seconds

13-One of My Lies – Green Day

14-Toss My Cookies – F.Y.P

15- Bro Hymn – Pennywise

We were the cutest in 1995 weren't we?

this was your shirt. also we were at my elementary school's carnival

this was my room at my mom's house. see the Sassy board game? You knew I was a bad ass


I love you and miss you Christopher. I really do.

By the way I knew about this song before you, I just let you pretend to be the first to show it to me. It’s okay.

God when this album came out we used to just drive around SCREAMING it.


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happy birthday baby

Today is my boyfriend’s birthday.

After a riotous trip to Sacramento

When I first moved here and didn’t know anyone, I magically met Ben one day. And for a long time I did that thing I do, where I kept him at arms length because I was sure he was going to end up being a poop head. We went to dinner a lot. Went out for drinks. Watched horrible movies at my house.  Whatever. And then one day after a few months I decided we could date. I don’t know what wore me down, but when Ben wants something he’s persistent within an inch of being really effin’ annoying.

A trip to SLO

Ben and I like to go on adventures. He may have traveled more in the last eight months than he ever used to. He went to Bakersfield and lived to tell the tale. He’s been to SLO with me twice and earlier this year we went to Sacramento just for the hell of it. It was a great night.

We also have food adventures. I love to take him to new places to eat. We go to sushi all the time and he swears he didn’t like it much before I got here. I took him to sushi actually for one of our first dates. But we love to cook at home too. He will eat anything I make and usually will have seconds. He swears I’m a great cook. I think he’s just hungry.

at Monk's

Ben also loves to go dancing with me. He won’t admit that but he does. Sometimes we go to the Bear or Panama’s so I can shake my ass. He’s decent dancer believe it or not and likes the way I dance. I wasn’t aware I was any good at dancing but he swears I’m his favorite person to dance with.

We are not drinking in a parking lot

Today were having a low key party for him at Franky’s followed by a round drinks at the Duff.  Not the stars and fireworks I want to give him but it is a Tuesday after all.

Happy Birthday my darling. May this be filled with funny cats, scientific discouvery, love and laughter. Or sushi and beer. Whatever.

I love you.

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It was not the end of the world

But I had a soundtrack for it anyway….

Stephanie unapologetically loves U2. Hate away bitches.

Look if my last act on earth is to rave on with Britney, I’m okay with that.

Yes please.

This too. They thought the world was gonna end back then too!

Because hey if the world ends, I want to be with whomever I love the most, right? Wheeee!

Nothing to do with the rapture except why in the eff did anyone pay attention to this crap? Srsly.

Now excuse me I have some badminton to play and some pear salad to serve.

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As you might have gathered from my last music meme, I get pretty obsessed with music. My friend Jen Wa is doing this meme and just posted this song:

And instantly I was obsessed. Again I think its the lyrics more than anything. I’ve known a few crazy assed people who’ve made me feel like this. Just like nothing they did could make me think badly of them and that no matter how we knew each other I just wanted them in my life. Because being around them made me feel more creative or motivated or whatever. Then again I’ve had people say this about me too.

Maybe some creative people are just forces of nature. I know I’m not but I’m happy to surround myself with an entire weather report of them, if you know what I mean.

As you might be able to tell from this blog, I haven’t been writing much. I haven’t been taking pictures. The full extent of my creativity lately has been making crap for the radio and then making promos out of our outtakes that I can’t post here because come on… those are for in house jokes only. Teresa knows what’s up.

I’m hoping that once the book ends I have more time to breathe.

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29. A song written/performed by a band/artist that never got their “due.” (A band or artist you think should be huge, but is not for whatever reason.)

Oh bitch please. This is easy….

Videodrone is one of my all time favorite bands and not just because I adore each and every one of them. This song was my jam back in 99. And I could tell you the whole record company story and everything else but why… what I will tell you is Ty Elam is and always will be one of my favorite people and this song is pure liquid sonic gold.

Spike 1000’s major label debut had AMAZING all over it and could’ve been huge. It came out on 9.11.2001. That ended that.  Shannon is amazing. This band was amazing. Another Bakersfield band…

In a galaxy far away a long time ago there was Deadsy. God I will never forget or forgive this band for many things. Mostly for making me fall in love with something enough that I WORKED so hard to try to help them blow up. And even then they saved me from a depressed place.  I was busy and that’s all that mattered.

I have a million theories why this didn’t happen. More bad shit with record companies etc. But these guys, also friends of mine. At least a couple of them. I love(d) this band with my whole heart and I wanted so much for them to get HUGE.

Who made this? It’s absurd? But its my favorite Deadsy song.

Love this one too. I may be the only person who really liked Phantasmagore.

And this one? Yes. Even though no one ever got it on an album.