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I'm everyone – hang your label on me

12. A heavy metal/hard rock song.


I was a rock chick, sue me

Even though I am a music “snob” (bitch please the only music I don’t like is like Insane Clown Posse bad music) I do like me some hard rock/metal. Did I mention that my Grandma LOVED watching Headbangers Ball with me on Saturday Nights? Seriously. Ask ANY of my friends.  This is another where you can’t just pick ONE.

I once saw Pantera and Slayer and Static X together. Still one of my top 10 shows of all time. And I’m sorry Slayer, I love you, but Pantera blew the doors off your show. 1992’s “Vulgar Display of Power” is one of the greatest metal albums of all time, and I don’t give a f#@k what anyone has to say. It is. Deal with it. “By Demons Be Driven,” is my favorite metal song to play (on the air too) on a Monday morning, If that doesn’t wake you up, you’re in a coma. (they have a song about that too. “Hollow” is another one I love.)

This isn’t to say I don’t LOVE Slayer. Because yeah, I do. Certain Slayer songs really blow my skirt up or whatever the phrase is.  “Raining Blood” is one I NEED to get in the system at work because holy crap, this song is bad ass. You awake yet? Is this thing on? Hell I don’t know, I’m deaf.

Speaking of Grandma, Grandma’s favorite hard rock videos of all time were the Guns and Roses Use Your Illusion videos. I’ll explain…

It started with “Don’t Cry,” my grandma just liked this song. Then we watched the video and my grandma loved movies but she also loved soap operas. Let’s be real Axl Rose is a walking talking crapping Soap to the Opera. I also rather enjoy Stephanie Seymor  as the woman slapper in this one. Also did you catch Shannon Hoon from Blind Melon doing backing vocals (and probably backing herion) in this? Or did you know that this was me and my friend Dixie’s favorite song in the 7th grade? OMG!

Well since Axl is a big ol bloated whore he couldn’t stop here obviously and made the next insanely expensive video in this trilogy, “November Rain,” which for awhile was one of THE MOST expensive videos of all time. Also probably my Grandma’s favorite video of all time. I am completely NOT kidding.

One of the absolute  most bloated songs of all time (until we get to the last in this trio) but it’s rock opera epic. So much hope! Axl thinks he’s Elton John in the first act, (and by the way what a class act is Elton, always reaching out to homophobes and being so fabulous that they just HAVE to become his friend?) and marrying Stephanie Seymore (see she won, she beat up all the other groupies and got to marry Axl!) while Stephanie wears my bff Jennifer’s wedding dress? So hopeful! Then Slash solos for 20 minutes and Axl buys a gun. (By the way it was my grandma who noticed that Axl bought a gun. Watch it again, you’ll see it. )  Spoiler alert, Stephanie dies and gets burried in a weird coffin. No one knows how. What the hell happened?

My grandma wanted to know though and every time I went over there for the next month or so would ask when the next video was coming out. So when “Estranged,” came out a bit later we had to see what happened.

“Estranged,” by the way is a mess. But it is a mess that belongs to Jen Wa the destroyer and I.

In this big assed expensive (maybe more expensive than “November Rain”) video we find out that (spoiler alert!) Axl killed Stephanie (yet she was still shocked in  real life that he beat her up, girls… don’t be dumb) and maybe its because of the pressures of rock star life or MAYBE its because he got too lit at the Rainbow. Lord knows I almost killed a car load of Samoans outside of that bitch one night. It was probably because the dolphins were swimming in the gutter outside.


Anyway, my actual favorite Guns N’ Roses song from this time period was “You Could Be Mine,” either way, Axl Rose is a crazy bitch. I won’t even repeat some of the things Geffen Reps have said to me over the years.

Back to the meme…. another favorite heavy metal / hard rock song I LOVE is Suicidal Tendencies “You Can’t Bring Me Down.”

Lets talk REAL TALK for a moment and let me inform you that I love all things ST. My dad took Amber and I to see them and MEET THEM OMG in Junior High school. I wish I still had the pictures. Maybe Amber does. Anyway I love these guys.  Gangs and all. Love this band.

Motorhead. Ace of Spades. Enough said.


2 thoughts on “12. A heavy metal/hard rock song.

  1. “Vulgar Display Of Power” is my favorite Pantera album. Spent some serious time with that one back in the day. I’m a bad fan of the music of Guns N’ Roses. Stuff like “November Rain” and “Estranged” is the stuff I like best. Probably explains why I really don’t mind “Chinese Democracy.” Anyway, while I looked forward to “Headganbers Ball” every week like I imagine some people probably look forward to church, I gotta say that I never paid THAT much attention to those “Use Your Illusion” videos. They killed Slash off in the first one. Eerily predictive that, in terms of the band’s future. I guess when he appears outside the church in “Rain” and then on the street in “Estranged,” that’s his ghost? I must be dumb but I have difficulty finding the whole Rose-kills-Seymour narrative. I’m probably just distracted by the overblown-ness of it all. Regardless, it was a nice trip down memory lane to watch those videos in order like that. If only you and your grandma had YouTube back then. And by the way, I love that your grandma watched “Headganbers Ball” with you. That freakin’ rules. Finally, Suicidal Tendencies kick all form of ass.

  2. Shawn- you sir rock. 🙂 thank you for that rad comment.

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