I’ve changed so much in this past year its hard to recognize the me I was just 365 days ago.
Things in my little world went completely haywire last year around this time. Like batshit bonkers. The only places I ever felt like “myself” were at work where despite everything that was going on, things were awesome and when I was hanging out with Teresa and Nicole or Tristan because they were the only people I told EVERYTHING to. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust my other friends who knew bits and pieces of the story, but because I didn’t want them to feel pressured to help me figure it all out.
I was talking through a deal to move out with a friend of mine when this job call came down. A lovely gal I knew from downtown SLO and twitter of all places had a room for rent in her house and we were discussing the specifics of it. Like when I would move in, how much it was, her kiddlets, etc. And right as I was going to pull the trigger and do it, my unemployment got cut off and things just seemed so hopeless. So I buried myself in the only way I knew how… my show on Wild, heaps and bounds of barter spots and asking my boss pretty much daily to teach me something new. And having lunch after lunch at the Black Sheep talking to Nicole who had so many great ideas. And oodles of Happy Hours with Teresa who despite her own problems at that time would help me “put some lipstick on it,” and lent me her parents and fixed my clothes and brought me cheese and berries at the radio station when I wouldn’t eat.
And there was Tristan who was always just a text away. Even after midnight if I just needed an ear or a couch to crash on or to just act like an ass and help me forget it all for an hour or two while we drank Tecates and Jamesons at McBar and talked about the old days.
I’ve been thinking about going home this weekend. I have the scratch to do it as long as I can take care of a couple of things here financially first. I need to dip my toes in the ocean. I need to hug the people that helped me get here. I need to hit reset on my brain before the book starts. I need a vegetarian chili. I need a fish taco. I need to wish a friend a happy birthday. I need to get dressed up and go out and do things in all my favorite spots. Reset. Erase. De-stress.
Don’t get me wrong, things in Chico aren’t bad. I’ve really started to build my own little community here, even faster than I did when I moved to SLO but I used to pull this “run away,” thing all the time when I lived there too. Santa Barbara, Bakersfield, Los Angeles, Ventura… sometimes Anywhere But Here is the only place to be.