Spin Spin Sugar

I'm everyone – hang your label on me


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Girl… You’ll be a woman soon.

I went over to Jeremy’s house yesterday to hang out, pet Cooper and of course see the lovely Baby Audrey. And I held her! I haven’t held a baby in a long time. I actually try not to, to be honest. I’m not a kid person. I mean I like other people’s kids fine but the idea of my own just makes me too nervous, annoyed, broke and frightened to think. I’d probably put my kid in the car carrier, set it on the roof and drive off on accident. I’m just not mom material. Ben says I have a maternal instinct but I don’t. I just take care of my friends. And pets. But a baby, man that’s pressure and I’d be bad at it. I’m aware and so I’m totally happy to be Auntie to my friends ever growing brood of kids.

That being said can I just take a second and introduce you to the most beautiful baby in the world?

Can you believe this is a tiny person?

She’s going to be 3 weeks old tomorrow and she’s heavier than she looks but she is still TINY. And so sweet. She hardly cries or does much but eat and sleep. ¬†And her feet! Oh my god, they’re mini mini. So crazy that we all used to be this small (actually I was bigger than this when I came out I guess, see how much that matters. ha ha)

Anyway my turn to cook dinner for the family is Thursday and I’m trying my new secret pesto mac on them.

This by the way is Cooper, the coolest dog ever:

Cooper!

Cooper is Jeremy’s first baby. ūüôā We brought him a package of bacon and lots of belly rubs. Such a good boy. He and the cat bonded with me a little because I was feeding them while Audrey was getting born. So funny.

 

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swing life away

Back in 2005, I was driving home from my radio station I ran back then one night, listening to the band Rise Against. A box of their album “Siren Songs of the Counter Culture” had just come in and I grabbed one to check it out and from the first song I was hooked.

I remember it because it was a bad time in my life. Or rather a difficult time. For those of you who haven’t known me very long I was engaged at the time and supposed to marry someone who while is still my friend, wasn’t the right person for me. And he had just been offered a really big job in Los Angeles. I wanted to move to Los Angeles but I didn’t want to leave my job. I moved for my job. I moved to do what I was doing and the thing was I was doing my job really well. I never had one day that I went to work and thought “Nope, this isn’t for me.” Especially at that time. My job was pretty straight forward. I programmed the music, I did a show. But there was talk of promoting me and this was my dream.

But there was also his dream out there, his next step. And to tell him no would be just horrible too. And it seemed as people were split into two camps: give up your dreams, it’s what a good woman does after all (no shit, someone said that to me) or the other was do a long distance compromise. I can’t remember very many people telling me, ¬†you know, just end it.

Some people told me later that by just ending it, I did the cowardly thing, that maybe I didn’t love him enough because I wasn’t willing to make it “work,” but a lot of those people didn’t know the reality of our situation, which was we just didn’t work as a couple anymore and I in my heart felt like I’d be beating something to death at this point. That if we were going to be friends again, I’d have to hurt him and let him get over it, because he needed to do this big thing in LA and I needed to stay where I was and do my thing. It was important to me. It was what I’d been waiting my whole life for.

In the end neither of us have any regrets about how it turned out. He’s married now and just six months ago I decided to do the same damn thing to someone else, only this time listening to Lady Gaga on that very same freeway.

Sometimes chasing your dreams is lonely work. It isn’t currently. ¬†But it can be. And I guess I’ve proven to myself over a few times that it’s something I can bear if need be.


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Sunday

It’s a very lazy Sunday morning at my house today. It’s raining out and the windows are open and it smells nice. I’m sitting around watching Six Feet Under.

 

Later I’ll be going over to see a friend and their baby and pets and to do some writing. Pretty easy day all around.


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thanks

Some really cool shit happened to me this week work wise. I won’t get into it but it’s nice to know that I’m here doing what I’m supposed to be doing even though it’s hard work and a lot of stress. I don’t have a problem with hard work, but damn if I don’t get tired.

Anyway just want to say thank you to everyone who’s held my hand, supported me and was just there for me over the past few months. You all helped. So thanks.


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musical youth

One of the most things about working at Wild was the Wild Workout at Noon, which is this mix show from some back in the day stuff. Brought back memories of growing up and listening to KKXX (which I would later work for, trip out on that!) Lately I’ve been kinda homesick and so I’ve been looking up youtube videos that I rediscovered during that era…

Timmy T – “One More Try” this was either big when I was in 6th or 7th grade. I have a bad memory for the dates of the era, but anyway I remember every girl in school LOVED this song. It was just the right sappy thing. I’m sure quite a few gals in slouch socks cried to this tune back in the day. Pretty weird that the real Timmy T is now my facebook friend.

Let’s talk about Stevie B for a minute. My friend, former employer and bad ass mixer LOVES Stevie B. We should’ve been worried about him but whatever, people like what they like and Jo liked Stevie B, so I heard ALOT of it on the mix show driving to work every day. ¬†Super good.

While we’re outing people’s musical tastes, my friend also loves Angelina and after hearing so ¬†much of it again, after what like 10 years of not hearing music like this? I re-fell in love with it. This stuff was so popular in Bakersfield when I was younger, it’s hard not to be nostalgic for it.

I really felt like the KLF was just too advanced for their time. Such a neat sound. Love it!

 


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girls night

I haven’t had a girls night out in a long time. To be real, I don’t know a lot of girls in Chico. A couple of weeks ago I took Adele out for pedicures before the baby came but that’s been the extent of girls night out. I used to have these pretty frequently either with Kristin or Darcy or Teresa back home. Sometimes it’d be me and Michaela and Suzanne going dancing at the Grad or whatever. But I don’t have a lot of female friends here and I don’t know if it’s because girls are different in Chico or maybe I just don’t work with any women.

Right before the baby came I started doing happy hours with Jeremy. He’s not a girl or anything but he’s my closest friend in Chico who is not Ben so it was always fun to go grab a beer with him across the street from the station after work and gab about the station and our respective lives. Not exactly someone I can talk bloatedness and mood swings with (although I’m sure he’d understand) but a friend. So that’s nice.

I imagine part of this too is that I’m in a still pretty new relationship, although it doesn’t feel new. So Ben and I spend a lot of time together as well. And Ben is great because I can honestly tell him anything and it’s like “Hmm okay well how can I help you fix this? Or is this one of those need a hug and a treat problems?” (No really he kind of talks like this sometimes)

The biggest part of course though is that it’s just not hanging out with girls that I miss, it’s that I miss MY particular friends. Teresa was my life raft the last year of my time in SLO. I never could’ve made it through the millions of things that went wrong without her. Especially this move. Especially that other thing. None of it. And Kristin was my rock. Always there with a glass of wine and a good book to take my mind off of things and always willing to listen or just help me avoid things completely. And then there was Darcy who was my vault and I was her vault while we were both going through the same thing relitively speaking. Always there with a couch and a smile and a hug and a “oh fuck that,” whenever I needed it. My girls, I miss them so much.

I passed my six months in Chico mark sometime last month. It was quiet. I don’t think I mentioned it to anyone but Ben. ¬†Maybe one of the bar tenders at the End Zone. ¬†It still feels kind of forigen to me here. I can find my way around but there are still a million places that when people talk about where they are I’m just like “nope, don’t know.”

It all takes time. Tomorrow I guess I get to find out if all my hard work and stress was worth it when our ratings come out. To say I dyed my hair about this would be an understatement…